Please note: The following speeches have been modeled after those of Adolf Hitler and several other unfavorable figures in history (We would also like to note that neither Obama nor Gandhi are included in this category). The message our speeches convey are those of a lunatic, and we in no way condone or align with these beliefs. We are not planning on starting WWIII, nor do we believe such a measure is necessary or should be encourage. We do not believe in violence, nor do we believe manifest destiny is valid. We also do not believe Europe or Socialism are evil.
Inaugural Address by President Calice Robins
Location: United States Capitol
Time: 11:55 A.M. EST
Vice President Kayla McWard, Mr. Chief Justice, members of the United States Congress, distinguished guests, and fellow citizens:
We, as the American people have lost our place in the world. Generations before us have led the United States of America in revolution. We led the movement of new beginnings. We built this country off the backs of people who have worked from sun up to sun down. We’ve built this country off the sweat, tears, and hope of the American people. The hard work of the past ensured that we thrived and would be able to continue to thrive. It was ensured by our ancestors, who fought for freedom that the people of this nation would be free and remain free. They did not make it so that a country could come and try to overtake us, so that a country could come and take this very freedom that was earned.
More than a year has passed since the unhappy day when the American people, blinded by promises from foes at home and abroad, lost touch with honor and freedom, thereby losing all (Hitler). God has not granted us with his blessings and protection to fight the enemy. He has called upon us to take back our freedom. He has called for me, along with Vice President McWard to lead the way. Though we are angry, we cannot and will not be divided, because divided, we are weak. Though we are fearful, we cannot and will not put our tails between our legs and hide, because fearful, we are cowardly.
With profound distress millions of the best American men and women from all walks of life have seen the unity of the nation vanishing away, dissolving in a confusion of political and personal opinions, economic interests, and ideological differences (Hitler). Since our nation has been attacked, it’s lost its place in the world, it soon lost its unity of spirit and will (Hitler). Though other countries believe that we won’t survive, we will. We will thrive and make it out on top. We will be better than we ever were and more efficient than we ever were. We will be the nation on top and our people will rise.
People of the United States of America, give us four years and then pass judgment upon us (Hitler). May God give our work His blessing, strengthen our purpose, and endow us with wisdom and the trust of our people, for we are fighting not for ourselves but for this great nation (Hitler).
Let us, each of us, now embrace with solemn duty and awesome joy what is our lasting birthright (Obama). With common effort and common purpose, with passion and dedication, let us answer the call of history and carry into an uncertain future that precious light of freedom (Obama).
Thank you. God bless you, and may He forever bless these United States of America (Obama). (Applause.)
END
Time: 12:10 P.M. EST
Speech To Inner Circle of the H.Y.W.T.O.F.W. Party
by Vice President Kayla McWard
Location: Undisclosed Location
Time: 1:20 P.M. EST
I would like to thank everyone for being here today, and for your role in helping President Robins and I in our campaign. Without all of you, we would be nothing, and we owe you everything.
As President Robins has said, the United States has lost its place in the world. We have fallen from power. History has proven that all great empires collapse, but now is not our time. We have not reached our pinnacle, we have not exhausted our resources, we have not given up! The American people will reclaim their rightful place as leaders of the free world. And as their chosen representatives, it is our sacred duty to assist them. Everyone one of you here is present because you play a crucial role in securing the rightful future for our country. Too long we have let our great country crumbled, but no more! Tonight we celebrate, and tomorrow the real work begins.
Our first objective is to neutralize our greatest threat, Europe. Too long, these evil, Socialist nations have taken advantage of our great country. They despise our free-markets and have sought to destroy us and all that is good. That is why, after careful planning, Robins and I have settled on a plan that will be ready to be set into motion within the week. A series of small scale nuclear attacks will be staged across the U.S.- Canadian border. Evidence is being planted as we speak that will link these attacks to groups operating within and in collusion with Turkey, Syria, and Morocco. Over the past several months, the Robins administration has worked on diplomatic relations with Canada, and we are confident that they will support us in a formal declaration of war against the above countries. Not only that, but we believe the placement of the attacks will compel the Canadian government to send troops to these countries as well. Our hope is that this act will leave Canada mostly undefended. As many know, Canada has been greatly influenced by the toxic European ideas of Socialism, and such a threat so close to home must be eliminated. Our positions in Turkey and Morocco will serve us greatly in a hasty conquest of Europe. We have worked with the Syrian government to ensure that Canadian troops will be confined to Syria.
Our allies in Russia and China have already agreed to assist in a conquest of Asia, and Russia will assist us in Europe if necessary. We are confident that if we strike quickly and quietly, we will be able to overcome any threat. It is simply the destiny of the U.S. to be the leader of the free world, and it is up to us to see this destiny come to pass. In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Tomorrow, the change begins!
Time: AJdjahfajkajkd
Works Cited
"Berlin: Proclamation To The German Nation -- February 1, 1933." Berlin: Proclamation To The German Nation -- February 1, 1933. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 May 2014. <http://www.hitler.org/speeches/02-01-33.html>.
"Inaugural Address by President Barack Obama." The White House. The White House, 21 Jan. 2013. Web. 21 May 2014. <http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2013/01/21/inaugural-address-president-barack-obama>.
